Part 1 of An Attempt to Live a Normal Life – (Originally posted on my (then) ‘Homeless and Female’ blog in 2013).
Back in 2009 I cleaned a little cabin located here in this small mountain town that I consider my home base, and absolutely fell in love with it. At the time I told the lady who hired me to let me know if it ever came available for rent again, and a few days ago I received a phone call from her letting me know it would be available on July 1, 2013, and I was welcome to rent it if I was still interested.
I told her that I would love to, and we worked out a plan. The only reason I can even consider it is because she doesn’t require a deposit or a lease.
Ever since I made the decision to try living in a house in order to put my family’s concerns at rest, I’d been looking hard for a full-time job, but had only been able to find seasonal ones. The only way I can consider following through on this plan is if I have a year-round job, and I haven’t been able to find one of those in this town for the past six years or more, and I’m rather concerned about it.
Additionally, I’ve grown so used to not having a home, and not having to commit to paying rent every month, that I now find myself struggling with the idea of it.
I mean I’m really struggling.
Part of me dreams about having a place to call my own, a place where I can come home and be surrounded by my own belongings, instead of some else’s (like when I house-sit). A place that I can walk away from in the morning, and return to with it still looking as I left it (no room mates). A place that I can decorate in any manner I choose. A place that I can invite friends over to, or do my morning yoga ritual in privacy. A place to cook, write, read and such on my own schedule (when not working). However, at the same time, being committed to paying rent, truly scares the heck out of me.
Paying rent, and the other bills that go with it means living a more traditional, and socially acceptable life. It means giving up ones freedom, and becoming tied to a job, for 40 –hours, 5-days a week, twelve-months a year, with maybe a week or two weeks off here and there to travel (if I’m lucky). I’m not opposed to working, I’m actually a very hard worker and prefer to really get stuck in and do a good job. What troubles me is the lack of time I’d have to enjoy this amazing world and all it has to offer.
Paying rent means money worries nearly all the time. I have financial worries now, and I don’t pay hardly any rent ($25.00 a week, for the cabin I stay in during the winter), simply because there are no winter job in this town,
Paying rent means giving up my freedom, it means giving up impromptu travels to Utah, Wyoming, Arizona, and anywhere else I might want to go. It also means limiting my hiking to my days off, and becoming a weekend warrior instead of hiking four times or more a week and camping near the trail heads.
Paying rent will mean that I will have to set an alarm clock in the morning, wear a watch, and schedule my time around someone else’s schedule and needs.
To be honest, I’m not sure that having a permanent home is worth all the worries it entails, and the freedom it takes away. I’ve managed just fine without one for many years, and boy, have I had some fun times with the money I didn’t spend on rent and other household bills! I’ve travelled for months on end, taken some wonderful pictures which are now for sale on my web page, experienced some scary moments in slot canyons, and achieved things I never thought I could do. I’ve tested my mettle in difficult situations, woken to an array of different sunrises, sunsets and views, met all sorts of people, and the list goes on. I mean…I’VE LIVED, but if I’d been paying rent, I may not have done any of these things.
So I find myself struggling with the idea of having a fixed home again. I need a job for a while regardless of whether I continue living in my vehicle, or pay rent, and especially because Mitzi needs some work done to her, so the job search is a given… but I just don’t know if I really, truly, want to have a ‘regular’ home again…a stick and brick.
What a dilemma… do I follow my heart? or do I give it a try and see how it goes?
Sigh… I suppose time will produce the answer. Until then…
Struggling with the thought of paying rent,
Homeless Gal ~ Originally written and posted in May 2013 on my ‘’Homeless and Female’ blog and re-posted in May 2016 on Nomad for Nature.
Looking back on the year 2013, The Year of the Floods, and enjoying a nomadic lifestyle all the more because of it.
Roxy ~ A Nomad for Nature